The wound

The wound has become so me,

Your words that chiseled on my heart have left the air,

Your face is so well erased from my memory,

Your smiles that I longed for are no more than smiles now,

The wounds have become so me,

The pain when it bled has enriched my thoughts,

The wound has now grown into an ornament.

The wound is now so me.

The wound is so mine,

My thoughts, their beauty,

My ornament, My wound.

Your Nur

Everyday, early morning, a sparrow comes to my balcony
She chirps melodiously, sitting on the balustrade. I usually wake up annoyed by the chirp, though sweet the songs are.
Though the sparrow sees me, she doesn’t go away till she finishes.
I never shooed her away though.

Today, she had come with her little one. They were singing a special song it seemed.
I enjoyed every bit of it this time. Suddenly a thought struck me.
What brings her here every day? What has made her to bring her little one this time?
Hadn’t I been rude to not acknowledge the songs she had sung?
Hadn’t I been ignorant about the Nur that the Beloved has poured in my soul, that the sparrow got attracted to?

I thanked Him all at once,
Sinking into Sajda,
Alhamdulillah.

Subhanallah!!
You have created marvels,
You have put Love in all of them,
And now I realize, I understand, that it is this Love, this Nur, that attracts the Beauty toward me.
That attracts me toward the Beauty, the Nur.
The Nur was always with me, I know,
It would have been the Nur that inspired me to carry those chicks, in my hand the moment they hatched in to this world.
It would have been the Nur, that let the mother hen to let me see the eggs hatch.
It would surely have been the Nur, that made those same chicks that grew up to hens, cling on my shirt sleeve and climb up to my shoulder to just find some Love.
It surely would have been the Nur.
It would have been the Nur that made the babies I come across Love me, so dear, even when they see me for the first time. 

Your Nur.

Loving You

 

People left like seasons,
Some, promising to come back,
And others not even caring about promises.
And I thought Love was that way,
Never so certain, never up to the Glorifications.
Never like Love.
Never inexplicable,
Never indefinite,
Never deserving the Glory.
Until I started Loving You,
For I knew You Loved me even before,
Even at the lows,
And I was the one who failed You,
Ya Rahman! I Love You,
Knowing so well that my declaration is not worth Your Love.
But for me to know, I declare my Love,
Love for You, Ya Raheem,
And I yearn for the only Love.
That You Gift to those who Love You,
That eternal Love,
That would shine Your Nur on me,
And I would shine in the crowd.
Ya Raheem! Ya Allah!

To Love is to Know

I had a thought last day. I don’t know if it is gonna be nice, let me put it here any way. Forgive me if it is weird. I’m just a Technology post-graduate turned philosophy enthusiast.

To Love is to know and to know is to embrace the soul.
And when we deal with soul and embrace, we have to explain the Love for God in the first place.
Seeking knowledge is the only purpose of human beings on earth,
and when we seek knowledge, we are in fact seeking the Creator.
And when we seek the Creator, we are in awe to embrace the Truth of His Wisdom spread all over.
and we in our human humility are not able to fully know the infinite and fully grasp the Wisdom
and thus are we not able to Love God in its fullness. But we strive to. And this is the true worship.
I wish not to reduce His existence to a single soul. I mean, it would be inappropriate to do that.

And when it comes to Loving our fellow beings, it is the knowledge of her/his soul.
And this knowledge is to embrace the soul with ours. And thus to Love is to know and to know is to Love.

My reflections on Conscience

This post was born from my scrambled thoughts when I came across a question that said,

Do we do good for getting rewards or because its good?
Do we refrain from evil because its evil or because we fear retribution!?

Let me crack it up in to two.

Firstly, as a preamble to expressing the idea I believe in, I thought it would be very accurate to introduce the technical term fitrah. According to Islamic way of understanding, the one I believe in, the “my own morality” is termed as fitrah. It is this urge to stick to truth in the very inside of us, ultimately uncontrollable, the one that defines the morality in us.

Secondly, to do good or(and) to stay away from evil, there are multiple levels of understanding, I should argue. In my humble thoughts, I came across 3 ways of understanding morality, mainly. There should be more for sure. They are,

• To do good and to stay away from evil in response to one’s own morality as mentioned above. It is also knowing that this morality is trained every moment in accordance to our perception of the society’s response towards everything. But the blueprint is the fitrah and the will to be moral and just is the driving force. This can explain, why would someone with fitrah, built-in, err. She/He either lacks the will or the will is a biased one. And this lack of will is the counter-will to remodel her/his morality in accordance with the new perception of justice. This is the atheistic way of it, I think.

• To do good, expecting rewards from a Superior God, and to stay away from evil, in fear of retribution and punishment and ultimately model the inner conscience and thus morality from a set of rules that we believe, are from the Lord. This kind of morality doesn’t change much, and kills the confusion and doubts that arises in one’s rational intellect. This is the average religious common man’s way. This is not wrong. But we have to understand that there is a superior way as well.

• To do good and to stay away from evil just because we, or more precisely, the humble self of humans, understand and realize the existence of the Superior Lord, from knowing that our perception of this world is just through 1,2,3,4 and 5 senses, and feel humbled and belittled in front of Him and then helplessly Love Him and believe that it is for His Pleasure that I do anything and I keep away from anything. And when we truly understand that perspective of actions, we will surely be unbiased in morality and we don’t need to remodel it based on our perceptions and our whims. This one to me is the best way of doing good and refraining from evil. I would like to quote Rabia Al Adawiyya Al Basari here. She wrote,

“O Allah! If I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell,
and if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise.
But if I worship You for Your Own sake,
grudge me not Your everlasting Beauty.”

how beautiful is doing good then?!!!

My Prayer for the moment.

Like a pendulum bob it came back to me.
My Lord! I had erased it off my mind,
When it swung past me, clinging to my heart.
Is this a new beginning, a chance to repent?
Or the usual test, that I have to pass?
Or the punishment for me, the one erred?

I can’t stand the space my thoughts,
Would spend in thinking of this Gift from You.
I wish it not be true, at all
Never in my thoughts again,
If it is not meant for me, the erred soul.

This was the dream once, You know,
That this soul had dreamed for long,
In solitude, in humility, in peace and in prayers.
But I have now woke up,
And am walking my life, my Lord, if not to be true,
I wish not to dream this dream again, I pray.

The trick of a dream.

I knew, the dream that I’m to dream does know, how much I am an addict to the elixir.
I know how painful would even my dream feel, when I fall off the cliff.
I know how distasteful would the dream be from a misfortune’s sniff..

I was carried away by the true self in me, though I knew the path was paved with thorns,
For I knew I would be happy at the end of the day, smiling in awe.
I knew, every scar from the stones thrown at my face will vanish in the kiss of Love.

I knew that every words that the dream spoke had the might of truth and the ease of fact.
Yet the dream chose to  stay as a mere dream, a woe, a cry, some tears and a denial.
And I knew not, The dream was a borrowed piece of someone else’ dream that came real.

I fell, with a thud, and my heart, it hit on the ground of nothingness.
That narrow, slow, lone field of absolute insanity.
Where every philosopher has fell and had an exquisite taste of creativity.

I fell, from the very heights of realization, of one’s self, one’s heart.
Fell so slow like a feather, kissing every bit of air, I thought,
But fell, in moments, very fast, dashing, to hit the saddest note.

This is trickery, this is deception my dream. I was but a canvas for your scribble,
I had much expected and dreamed that you would be born,
And with me, real and true, you would have grown..

~ Qurrath

——————————-
1- elixir = Love is my elixir

Love again…

Sang I in the midst of the Night,
Aloud, So could you hear,

Caught up with some strange Fright,
As If the time to part was near

I Sang,
My heart is a Whirling Dervish..
Round and round he goes..
With the rhythm inherent,
And I sing the song of my soul..
The harp I play is my Love for You..
I can’t stop playing it,
For my dervish will stop to whirl
And vanish in nothingness,
And the rhythm will know..
The pain of the leave..
And will I exist no more
To Love You, my Beloved..
For the Love for You is my air,
My life, My being….

Loveless

photo courtesy: Labee’s photography (www.facebook.com/labeesphotographs)

And the insomniac activist wrote:

Sing to me your silence,
Numb me with the absence in your presence,
And push me to that sleep,
Where I’m denied the right to dream
And then open my bosom with a knife,
The place where, lives my heart, hidden.
Grab that li’l blood washed marvel,
Whose innocence Loved you,
Find the crack the loneliness had made,
Put your fingers in and pull a piece,
Crush it fully to death,
Do this to every piece,
For I’m afraid it would heal,
And Love you again,
For it knows nothing but to Love,
And the world knows everything save Love,
Prove to me that you are no different,
Prove to me that you are just another part,
Of this world, the Loveless land,
Where I’m denied to breath,
Denied to Love.
For Love is my air,
And I’m suffocating…

 

How simple is, being human!!

I was in the mess hall, silent in the usual commotion. Suddenly, I heard the music of breaking glass.

Turning my head, what I noticed was that someone has broken a bottle.

A technology student. He moved the pieces of glass aside with his leg, looked around and went away.

I told to myself, no education deserves praise, if it can’t induce the real feeling of being human. If it can’t bring out the moral man in one, if it can’t let someone know that, the glass pieces may harm someone who walks by, the education is of no use at all.

The next day I had another experience.

I again heard the sound of breaking glass. I could see a topi-clad, bearded, pants-well-above-the-ankle man, who had sat on the table to drink water. And he hadn’t noticed the bottle and unfortunately the bottle had fallen off the table and broken. I knew he would not to do what the previous guy had done. For I believed he was religious and moral.

But to my disappointment, the man did the same thing as the other guy.

This again poked my conscience. Was it not morality that I thought someone should have so that he will be bothered about the glass pieces harming others?

My heart had an answer. “Yes it is. But the trouble is, how sure were you that the religious man had morals?”
I had no answer.

The next day I didn’t have such an experience. Rather, a man, ‘seemingly’ less religious, with his pants below ankle, no topi, no classical beard, seeing a bottle that might fall down and break, placed it in a safer place.

He might have felt the sweetness and ecstasy in doing it. He might have felt human.

And I had my answers.

Love.. ❤